It's been a while...

Been cooking tonight and while stiring the chocolate fudge and frying the tiny xmas meatballs I realised I haven't posted in ages! So here's a brief update:

August: Got back with ex-boyfriend. Works well as we've decided not to move in together for a very long time. I figure we might do so if we stay together for another five years. Works for us at the moment.

September: Worked. Sort of. Didn't put my heart in to any of the work I did. Basically I just sat my hours, had lunch with the nice people and surfed a lot! Never billed more than 30 hrs/week. Was OK. Glad when it was over.

October: Slept. Every other week I got up to see my kids off to school. But the other weeks I could sleep until 2.30 PM. When I got up I grabbed some coffee, icecream and watched telly. Saw more movies in four weeks than during the entire year.

November: Turned 40. Did a health check which was an excellent wake-up call. High blood pressure, overweight and terrible scores on blood test. Decided to sort that out and spent the rest of november on a strict diet, cut down on my nicotine and took walks that lasted from 1 to 3 hours a day.

December: Still on the diet and haven't had a drink for over a month. Which I thought would be tough, but has been easy. I've lost 6,5 kilos and aim at losing another 6 within the next year. Not in any rush now as I'm not "overweight" in kilos (BMI) or waist. Also my blood pressure is normal and my new blood test result show I've done really really well in November. All values are perfect.
On Saturday we'll be celebrating Christmas with my kids and my side of the family as the kids will be with their dad on the realy Christmas this year.
On Sunday me and Ed are off to Tenerife. Hopefully there will be lots of walks, nice weather and a very relaxed week away.

To anyone reading: Merry Xmas!

dotmug389 is born

Was sitting around doing no good and remembered I never checked out how to blog from my phone. Tried it out and decided I want a pure picture site so another blog is now up and running.

Silly thing is I can't post while in the 3G network but GSM works fine. Not sure who's to blame though - blogger, my operator or my phone. Integrations! Hate them. And made me think of work.

Running dry

I feel more and more I have nothing or very little to post. The stuff going on in my life is mostly good but not very exciting. Stuff going on i my head is not very happy. I need to re-boot I think. I hope I'll spend more time outdoors and less time infront of the glowing screens.

I've got two weeks off now. Then there'll be roughly six weeks of work before my real time off will start.

Tomorrow I'll put air in my bike tires and take it for a ride. It'll be the first in over a year. Might stop in a forrest and look for some early chantarelles or just pick some blueberries and eat them right there. I might bring a blanket and a book and sit under a tree reading. Typing this makes me want to do all that now so will probably be just what I need.

Sick of work

I now wake up every morning trying to find an easy solution to an impossible problem. I've been here before and I know there is no easy fix, still my mind seem to try finding one - every night. I wish I knew how to stop it.

It is now July 22. At the end of September my contract ends and I will not renew it. Been with the same client for over 5 years and been doing this boring job for 10+ years. It never gets any better. Same problems in every project. Same agressive time plans and lack of understanding when we run late.

Come October I've promised myself to have at least 6 months off. I am going to do nothing. Or at least I won't make any special plans to do anything. I hope to wake up every morning and wonder what I'll be doing that day. I might get sick of doing nothing. I might start looking for new careers or things to do but I think it will take a long time before I do.

I am soooooo looking forward to this fall!

I should be packing

Don't know why I end up here instead of getting going. So much to do, and so little time. Birthday party for my youngest tomorrow and leaving for Greece on Tuesday morning. I have no idea what to pack.

The first birthday party

Digging around in my picture archive I found this one. The perfect look for a mother organising the first birthday party for her daughter. The party was grand.

Pictures from the past

Found these when poking around today. I look like I'm twelve years old! I so miss my mohawk. And yes... for the hawkeyed viewers, that IS a waistbag. My only defence is that I'm at the Roskilde festival and all valuables had to be carried at all times.

Pictures on my computer

I've got loads of pictures on my PC. Or my PCs to be honest. I've realised recently that I lack structure to almost everything I do. I might change that eventually but not today. Today the sun is gone, the temperature has dropped to only 15 degrees and I'm still on a weeks vacation. I think I've almost had all the sleep I badly needed and today I'll give my pictures a go. So I've logged on to Flickr (managed to log on after only failing to find the right user ID 5 times) in order to upload a bunch of stuff there and then post pics from the reunionen held May 10 with my old punk friends. They've given up hope seeing my pics I think...

When I logged on to Flickr I found this picture which was the only one I managed to upload months ago. I love it. Makes Becca look like a doll in a toystore.

Balance missing

Had a nice coffee and walk today with an ex from ages ago. He knows me well eventhough it's been almost 20 years since we split up. After the normal how's it going, what are you doing, how's the kids and family we spoke of what we occupy our lives with. I have kids and I work. Every now and then I manage to squeeze in some hours with friends but overall I realize more and more that my balance is off.

He, involved in some magic community, claimed he'd go insane if it wasn't for belonging to that group. He's sure there are several groups he could have joined but he strongly feels the group he chose is the one for him. Good for him. I can tell it is good for him. And I wish I could feel even the teeniest bit of real interest in the group but I can't. Not now. Too much mumbo-jumbo going on there that I can't relate to.

After nice foods and a fantastic coffee I think we agreed that I would benefit from picking up something non-work related. Something I really would like to do.

Easy to say. Could be easy to find. If I took the time.

Now back to finalizing (boring) work artifacts.

Shutting down on time

Living with kids is great. Living with teenagers is interesting. Both of them are now sick of school and constantly whining about how they don't want to go to school the next day.

I understand completely how they feel, and I wish we could go away on vacation tomorrow. We all need some rest now. The winter hasn't really been a proper winter as we had so little snow this year. We've all been ill multiple times which is very rare in our family. All in all we're tired and need some time away.

I badly need more and better sleep. But when kids are sent off to bed, I'm still up doing things (like this) that I really could live without. It's just that if I don't get to do my stuff in the evenings I feel like all-work-and-no-play and that is no fun at all.

Back at the Gym

Can't say I was thrilled getting out of bed 6 AM this morning. First of all I couldn't really sleep. Couldn't fall asleep properly and the whole night was more like snoozing than sleeping. I kept waking up for no appearant reason and was like a zombie when the alarm sounded.

Got in to the gym on time, and a very healthy looking person met me inside "All awake and ready for the work-out?" to which I grunted "No, but I'm here".

It's been over a year since I did any regular excerise. Been too busy, then too lazy, too busy again, too bored and too full of it all. But now I can no longer put things off. I have to get back into something more human looking. My behind is actually starting to look like the seat at my work. It works, but it ain't much to use when outdoors walking.

So here I sit in my office chair feeling the pain come. I know it'll be at least a six weeks long period of pain until I'm back in a more decent shape. There will be pain and painkillers knowing that on the other side of those initial six weeks there will be more pain, but more normal muscle pain. And it's OK. It will be much better than where I am now.

Things I could do (#1)

Travel
- so many places, so little time(?)

Study: Languages
- Learn new: Greek, Arabic
- Improve others: English

Study: Science
- General, high level studies

Study: Religion and Cultures

...and then there is work

I am a perfectionist

There. Now it's been said.

Some people call me control freak and others call me obsessive. My friends call me bitch or freak and I love them right back.

Freaks like me love chaos since it is a challenge to us. We often seek challenges since we tend to become obnoxious when bored. I believe our worst enemy is insufficient resources (be it energy or tools e.g. skills and equipment).

Given the right amount of chaos along with the right prerequisites and conditions we'll provide whatever is needed to bring clarity. Upon analysis 'the chaos' is usually easily sorted by simple stuff like common terminology, checklists, defined routines and rules.

So being a perfectionist, would I:
- fly knowing the pilot skipped the take-off routine?
- eat meat turning green?
- steal?
- cut corners?

Somebody give me a brake...

...cause I'm a speed freak!

Workwise I am. It is truely a drug. At first, when I pick up speed I get really thrilled. I find it amazing and energising. It it so much fun!

But after a month, things aren't going so well anymore. I miss stuff I wouldn't miss if I wasn't doing 180 mph. And then those things that I miss start bothering me. That's when I start looking back, not focusing on the road up front, still doing 180 mph.

Stupid really. Cause I know there are speed bumps ahead. I know I should go slow aproaching new areas, but I keep going fast. Luckily I haven't had any major accidents yet. Some bumps and bruises is all.

And here I am again. Tired and a bit sad (which is the normal state I end up in). I've been running on fumes for the last couple of weeks. But when I almost yelled at my main project manager the other day I realized it was time to go home and have a rest.

People won't die. I too can have some time off. Easter is a great long holiday.

Timestamp: 2008-02-14

Valentines Day today! I'm sure I'll be covered in chocolate, flowers etc... Yeah, most likely so. That is actually what happens to me *any* normal day. Really. Or not.

I haven't been around for a long time. First post in 2008. Lazy & Crazy. First I had nothing to say, and when I did, I had no time to type. (Not that I feel anyone would have enjoyed reading up on what's been cooking in my head.)

These last two weeks, or could be three, I've managed to; think, feel and do more then I've managed in the last two months. Would have been more exciting if it had anything even remotely to do with sex, but for now it is all work related. So I will not bore you further.

Thanks for stopping by. I'll make more of an effort over here if you're interested in more.