Had a nice coffee and walk today with an ex from ages ago. He knows me well eventhough it's been almost 20 years since we split up. After the normal how's it going, what are you doing, how's the kids and family we spoke of what we occupy our lives with. I have kids and I work. Every now and then I manage to squeeze in some hours with friends but overall I realize more and more that my balance is off.
He, involved in some magic community, claimed he'd go insane if it wasn't for belonging to that group. He's sure there are several groups he could have joined but he strongly feels the group he chose is the one for him. Good for him. I can tell it is good for him. And I wish I could feel even the teeniest bit of real interest in the group but I can't. Not now. Too much mumbo-jumbo going on there that I can't relate to.
After nice foods and a fantastic coffee I think we agreed that I would benefit from picking up something non-work related. Something I really would like to do.
Easy to say. Could be easy to find. If I took the time.
Now back to finalizing (boring) work artifacts.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Shutting down on time
Living with kids is great. Living with teenagers is interesting. Both of them are now sick of school and constantly whining about how they don't want to go to school the next day.
I understand completely how they feel, and I wish we could go away on vacation tomorrow. We all need some rest now. The winter hasn't really been a proper winter as we had so little snow this year. We've all been ill multiple times which is very rare in our family. All in all we're tired and need some time away.
I badly need more and better sleep. But when kids are sent off to bed, I'm still up doing things (like this) that I really could live without. It's just that if I don't get to do my stuff in the evenings I feel like all-work-and-no-play and that is no fun at all.
I understand completely how they feel, and I wish we could go away on vacation tomorrow. We all need some rest now. The winter hasn't really been a proper winter as we had so little snow this year. We've all been ill multiple times which is very rare in our family. All in all we're tired and need some time away.
I badly need more and better sleep. But when kids are sent off to bed, I'm still up doing things (like this) that I really could live without. It's just that if I don't get to do my stuff in the evenings I feel like all-work-and-no-play and that is no fun at all.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Back at the Gym
Can't say I was thrilled getting out of bed 6 AM this morning. First of all I couldn't really sleep. Couldn't fall asleep properly and the whole night was more like snoozing than sleeping. I kept waking up for no appearant reason and was like a zombie when the alarm sounded.
Got in to the gym on time, and a very healthy looking person met me inside "All awake and ready for the work-out?" to which I grunted "No, but I'm here".
It's been over a year since I did any regular excerise. Been too busy, then too lazy, too busy again, too bored and too full of it all. But now I can no longer put things off. I have to get back into something more human looking. My behind is actually starting to look like the seat at my work. It works, but it ain't much to use when outdoors walking.
So here I sit in my office chair feeling the pain come. I know it'll be at least a six weeks long period of pain until I'm back in a more decent shape. There will be pain and painkillers knowing that on the other side of those initial six weeks there will be more pain, but more normal muscle pain. And it's OK. It will be much better than where I am now.
Got in to the gym on time, and a very healthy looking person met me inside "All awake and ready for the work-out?" to which I grunted "No, but I'm here".
It's been over a year since I did any regular excerise. Been too busy, then too lazy, too busy again, too bored and too full of it all. But now I can no longer put things off. I have to get back into something more human looking. My behind is actually starting to look like the seat at my work. It works, but it ain't much to use when outdoors walking.
So here I sit in my office chair feeling the pain come. I know it'll be at least a six weeks long period of pain until I'm back in a more decent shape. There will be pain and painkillers knowing that on the other side of those initial six weeks there will be more pain, but more normal muscle pain. And it's OK. It will be much better than where I am now.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Things I could do (#1)
I am a perfectionist
There. Now it's been said.
Some people call me control freak and others call me obsessive. My friends call me bitch or freak and I love them right back.
Freaks like me love chaos since it is a challenge to us. We often seek challenges since we tend to become obnoxious when bored. I believe our worst enemy is insufficient resources (be it energy or tools e.g. skills and equipment).
Given the right amount of chaos along with the right prerequisites and conditions we'll provide whatever is needed to bring clarity. Upon analysis 'the chaos' is usually easily sorted by simple stuff like common terminology, checklists, defined routines and rules.
So being a perfectionist, would I:
- fly knowing the pilot skipped the take-off routine?
- eat meat turning green?
- steal?
- cut corners?
Some people call me control freak and others call me obsessive. My friends call me bitch or freak and I love them right back.
Freaks like me love chaos since it is a challenge to us. We often seek challenges since we tend to become obnoxious when bored. I believe our worst enemy is insufficient resources (be it energy or tools e.g. skills and equipment).
Given the right amount of chaos along with the right prerequisites and conditions we'll provide whatever is needed to bring clarity. Upon analysis 'the chaos' is usually easily sorted by simple stuff like common terminology, checklists, defined routines and rules.
So being a perfectionist, would I:
- fly knowing the pilot skipped the take-off routine?
- eat meat turning green?
- steal?
- cut corners?
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Somebody give me a brake...
...cause I'm a speed freak!
Workwise I am. It is truely a drug. At first, when I pick up speed I get really thrilled. I find it amazing and energising. It it so much fun!
But after a month, things aren't going so well anymore. I miss stuff I wouldn't miss if I wasn't doing 180 mph. And then those things that I miss start bothering me. That's when I start looking back, not focusing on the road up front, still doing 180 mph.
Stupid really. Cause I know there are speed bumps ahead. I know I should go slow aproaching new areas, but I keep going fast. Luckily I haven't had any major accidents yet. Some bumps and bruises is all.
And here I am again. Tired and a bit sad (which is the normal state I end up in). I've been running on fumes for the last couple of weeks. But when I almost yelled at my main project manager the other day I realized it was time to go home and have a rest.
People won't die. I too can have some time off. Easter is a great long holiday.
Workwise I am. It is truely a drug. At first, when I pick up speed I get really thrilled. I find it amazing and energising. It it so much fun!
But after a month, things aren't going so well anymore. I miss stuff I wouldn't miss if I wasn't doing 180 mph. And then those things that I miss start bothering me. That's when I start looking back, not focusing on the road up front, still doing 180 mph.
Stupid really. Cause I know there are speed bumps ahead. I know I should go slow aproaching new areas, but I keep going fast. Luckily I haven't had any major accidents yet. Some bumps and bruises is all.
And here I am again. Tired and a bit sad (which is the normal state I end up in). I've been running on fumes for the last couple of weeks. But when I almost yelled at my main project manager the other day I realized it was time to go home and have a rest.
People won't die. I too can have some time off. Easter is a great long holiday.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Timestamp: 2008-02-14
Valentines Day today! I'm sure I'll be covered in chocolate, flowers etc... Yeah, most likely so. That is actually what happens to me *any* normal day. Really. Or not.
I haven't been around for a long time. First post in 2008. Lazy & Crazy. First I had nothing to say, and when I did, I had no time to type. (Not that I feel anyone would have enjoyed reading up on what's been cooking in my head.)
These last two weeks, or could be three, I've managed to; think, feel and do more then I've managed in the last two months. Would have been more exciting if it had anything even remotely to do with sex, but for now it is all work related. So I will not bore you further.
Thanks for stopping by. I'll make more of an effort over here if you're interested in more.
I haven't been around for a long time. First post in 2008. Lazy & Crazy. First I had nothing to say, and when I did, I had no time to type. (Not that I feel anyone would have enjoyed reading up on what's been cooking in my head.)
These last two weeks, or could be three, I've managed to; think, feel and do more then I've managed in the last two months. Would have been more exciting if it had anything even remotely to do with sex, but for now it is all work related. So I will not bore you further.
Thanks for stopping by. I'll make more of an effort over here if you're interested in more.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Boring, but surprised
Boring boring boring FRIENDS boring boring boring MUSIC boring boring boring FRIENDS & BEERS boring boring boring TRIP boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring BIRTHDAY boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring boring GOOD BOOK boring boring boring boring boring boring ...
I'm not bored. I am boring.
Anyway, today I was contacted via LinkedIn by one of my Texan buddies from High School. Haven't heard from him since 1985! That's insane. 22 years. I'm old. He's old. Seems like 10 years ago. So strange.
It's so cool that he managed to find. I've tried (and failed) tracking them down. I have started to realized that a lot of people live in the US(!) and that my mates all have (or had) quite common names. So using the search engines without knowing what they do for a living... well, I was never lucky. I hope he's still in touch with some of the others. Would be so much fun to see them again.
I'm not bored. I am boring.
Anyway, today I was contacted via LinkedIn by one of my Texan buddies from High School. Haven't heard from him since 1985! That's insane. 22 years. I'm old. He's old. Seems like 10 years ago. So strange.
It's so cool that he managed to find. I've tried (and failed) tracking them down. I have started to realized that a lot of people live in the US(!) and that my mates all have (or had) quite common names. So using the search engines without knowing what they do for a living... well, I was never lucky. I hope he's still in touch with some of the others. Would be so much fun to see them again.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
I'm drinking mud
Honestly. I am drinking mud. It was sold as herbal tea, but it looks, smells and tastes like mud. It came in two big bags filled with what can only be described as dried leaves, strange red berries, sticks and dust. It smells terrible when dry and absolutely vile when cooked. It has to be soaked, then boiled for 40 minutes and it stinks up my kitchen. And then I have to drink it...
I got it yesterday when seeing a Chinese doctor. I have been going to "normal" doctors every now and then for the last 14 years, but the last time I went I got a bit annoyed since the doctors hardly takes a look before subscribing pills. The pills work. No doubt. It is just that they bring bad stuff with them. Like stomach ache and a strange metal taste in my mouth for the entire period I'm taking them - and it is a periof of three months. So for now I'm sticking to mud. It is only for 4 days. I started yesterday, and waking up this morning I could not believe the difference. It really looks as if the mud shite is working as the face rash is actually calming down.
I got it yesterday when seeing a Chinese doctor. I have been going to "normal" doctors every now and then for the last 14 years, but the last time I went I got a bit annoyed since the doctors hardly takes a look before subscribing pills. The pills work. No doubt. It is just that they bring bad stuff with them. Like stomach ache and a strange metal taste in my mouth for the entire period I'm taking them - and it is a periof of three months. So for now I'm sticking to mud. It is only for 4 days. I started yesterday, and waking up this morning I could not believe the difference. It really looks as if the mud shite is working as the face rash is actually calming down.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
I should be sleeping
I'm not sleeping properly. I feel it is partly due to the pressing fact that I should sleep more. Cause if I did I probably would not spend my working hours in a coma, just looking at the watch wondering if I can take off. Work is not much fun at the moment, and I know it will be another 3 months until stuff really starts happening. So 3 months of transportation. And most likely I will be going crazy for not having done what I could have done in advance...
Was in Düsseldorf last week and had an experience work shop using the last project as input. What a joke. Out of three projects in three countries the learnings where all the same. We all struggled with the same issues, but no one had the time to crosscheck with the other, so the solution is now different in all three countries. It is 2007. We never learn. Good thing it is not in my role to make sure these kind of things don't happen.
Anyway - back to not sleeping; I'm also not sleeping because I am wondering how I will fit myself and my daughters into an apartment only half the size we have today. A new flat is now a possible for the three of us. It is much closer to the city and it is less expensive. Close to buses and subways so it is a good candidate if the other two parties involved are interested as well. The "challenge" with the flat is not only that it is half the size of our current, it is also a modern flat meaning it has two bedrooms and then it is one of those open combined living room/kitchens. And that is likely to be my bedroom as well. So, here I am thinking of various possibilites on how to make the most out of that space. Also thinking about how to get rid of all the furniture we will not bring.
What makes everything a bit harder, when spending my nights moving/designing furnitures around (in a flat I don't even have), is that there is no map of the stupid flat. I'm going back there on Wednesday to do proper measurements and then I'll have to sit down and draw the map myself.
Was in Düsseldorf last week and had an experience work shop using the last project as input. What a joke. Out of three projects in three countries the learnings where all the same. We all struggled with the same issues, but no one had the time to crosscheck with the other, so the solution is now different in all three countries. It is 2007. We never learn. Good thing it is not in my role to make sure these kind of things don't happen.
Anyway - back to not sleeping; I'm also not sleeping because I am wondering how I will fit myself and my daughters into an apartment only half the size we have today. A new flat is now a possible for the three of us. It is much closer to the city and it is less expensive. Close to buses and subways so it is a good candidate if the other two parties involved are interested as well. The "challenge" with the flat is not only that it is half the size of our current, it is also a modern flat meaning it has two bedrooms and then it is one of those open combined living room/kitchens. And that is likely to be my bedroom as well. So, here I am thinking of various possibilites on how to make the most out of that space. Also thinking about how to get rid of all the furniture we will not bring.
What makes everything a bit harder, when spending my nights moving/designing furnitures around (in a flat I don't even have), is that there is no map of the stupid flat. I'm going back there on Wednesday to do proper measurements and then I'll have to sit down and draw the map myself.
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